Order My Steps

On this day five years ago I wore this very same dress. I remember because it was the day that changed my life. I had blacked out briefly at work and was having difficulty breathing. I was winded just taking a couple of steps and then there was pain on the left side of my back so I went to the walk-in clinic. I had an x-ray done but the doctor didn’t find anything concerning so he sent me to the hospital for a CT scan.

My dear friend Stefani came with me to the hospital—because that’s what friends do. The technician performed a CT scan with contrast and we waited for the results. Not too long after, the technician came in and handed me a phone, “Your doctor wants to speak to you,” she said. Dr. Bullock told me I had major blood clots in my lungs and I needed to be admitted immediately. I was wheeled through the hospital to a room where my doctor met me.

He explained that I had suffered a pulmonary embolism. The clot had broken off into pieces and was attached to my lung in five places. Dr. Bullock was extremely concerned as he explained to me that this type of event usually kills people. Two of the pieces were pretty significant and one piece was lodged right where the two arteries leading to my lungs separate. If that piece had broken in two, or had moved the slightest bit in either direction, I would have died. He looked in my eyes and said, “It’s a miracle you are here talking to me. God must have something for you to do.”

Dr. Bullock consulted with a vascular surgeon over the phone about what course of action to take. The vascular surgeon asked my doctor to describe what I looked like, as in what my disposition was and he responded, “She looks like she’s about to go to church.” This makes me smile every time I think about it.

Thankfully Stefani was with me the entire time. She asked the doctor all kinds of questions that I didn’t even think of asking. It’s always great to have friends who care enough to enter in to your tough places with you. The only thing on my mind was my daughter Nailah, who was 14 at the time. She lost her dad suddenly 2 months before. He died from brain cancer just days after we found out he had a tumor. When I was admitted into the hospital, Nailah had been in California for a couple of weeks, visiting friends who were walking through the grieving process with us.

Alone in my room, I prayed THAT prayer: “God, please don’t let this be Nailah’s story. If you let me live through this, I will do whatever you ask of me.”

“I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes.” (Psalm 119:146)

Nailah was scheduled to return home the next day, but didn’t want to come to the hospital because the last time she sat in the hospital, her father died. Yet, she came to the hospital straight from the airport, with the biggest smile on her face when she saw me! I was so happy to see my girl.

God answered my prayers! I did not need to have a risky, invasive procedure that is typically done on patients in my condition, but was treated with blood thinners instead. However, it was not an easy road. I spent three days in the hospital, six months injecting myself with blood thinners, two years living with fear, anxiety and depression, all while still grieving the death of Nailah’s dad. Through it all, I held close to the promises of God.

This was one of those life-changing experiences for me. Once you get that close to death, your perspective on life must change. So, whenever I put on this dress, I remember what God brought me through. I am reminded that He has something for me to do and am committed to following His leading until I am done.